His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
