Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
