with your own penis?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize