There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
