how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
