He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
