Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
