I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize