That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
