i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
