when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
