I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
