she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
