i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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