Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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