Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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