You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
