Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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