Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i came on her dog
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
