Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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