Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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