Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
