The best revenge is premature balding
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
