Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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