I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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