Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
