I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
