1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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