you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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