I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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