That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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