PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
