Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
