Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize