I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize