so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
