When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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