it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
