yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
