Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
