Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
