I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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