The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They took my balls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
