haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
