I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i now understand why vodka
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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