But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
