I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
