I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my liver is dry heaving
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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