I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The power of my boobs compel you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
