I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
