At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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