There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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