I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
