Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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