My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
