i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
