planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
