If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
