I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
