While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
