the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
