So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
