i think my tv is drunk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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