this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
