i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
