anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
