Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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