just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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