I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize