I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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