Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
