My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
