So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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