She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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