Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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